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I don't know what to do from day to day. I spent 9 months planning for Lily and plannig on being busy taking care of her, but now I just sit around. I'm too scared to go outside. There are infants wherever I look. I'm so happy for all those moms who had babies that survived and are now thriving, but how am I any different. Why is it that my baby didn't have a chance to live her life? I dread eachday because there is a loss I can't control. Today I watched the travel channel all day. Colin and I just held eachother.